the scratch on my arm

the blood prickles up to the surface
the pain is a reminder
of the darkness of my life

red words of anger
give way to grey bars of steel
spoken as an incarceration

the scratch never heels
because i pick away at the scab
i should just leave it alone

you were never on my side
you were never on my side
you were never on my side.

ok so get this: i was nice to my stepdad for like, two days. well nearly three. i had dinner with the family and he only had to ask me once to wash up and i did it STRAIGHT AWAY even when we had pasta and their was heaps of dishes.

so then tonight i told him that one fo my faveorite bands was touring in a couple of months, and he said who and i said funeral for a friend. and i said itd be really really cool if i could go, it could be an early birthday presnt it would mean a lot to me? and he laughed and said i just had my birthday and i said i know and he said who was it again? i told him and he said it sounds like morbid wrist cutting band. and that we couldnt afford it at the moment coz he's not working right now coz hes got a sore back.

so he said no. and alyson and harley both said they were gonna go and now i cant and its just so unfair. so i told my little brother to crawl around under the house and explore and my stepdad couldn't find him and was all panicked and it was funny. but then my brother came out and he had some spiders on him and it was pretty gross so i told him to go take a bath.

anyway, here's a poem i was working on when i was in my room waiting for my stepdad to realise my little brother wasnt around:


The Cage of Youth

trapped in a ticking cage
the clock weakens the bars but not fast enough
not fast enough
the locked door only offers a window to the world outside
a world of freedom and happiness
the music calls me
voices laughing like breaking crystal,
like the breaking of my frozen tears
I await the day i have my key
the sliver of plastic, the key to freedom
with my picture on it my name and year of my birth
how i long for december 25 2008

trapped in a cage the outsiders peer in
and mock, 'these are the best days of your life'
but how? when I can't go out
can't listen to my music live
can't drink without derision
if these are the best years of my life
then i wish a rapid death by a quick hand upon me
and i shall brethe no more.


The cage is like me being 15, and the sliver of plastic is id, not an actual key.

also look at the FFAF website: http://www.funeralforafriendmusic.com/ its really fucken cool and has music too.

what did every1 do for newyears? mine fucking sucked. i was meant to go to drink at the park with alyson and harley , but then harley got grounded and alyson was made to go up to the country with her parents for a big family thing.

i had to go to a family party too. it was my mum's cousin's new years eve party. i was allowed to have one glass of champane on midnight because im fifteen now. like big whoop a fucking glass of champane. so i had to spend the night talking with my aunties and uncles and cousins. some of my older cousins are kind of cool but they are all over 18 and were all drinking and smoking and stuff. one of them let me have a drag off her rolly which was cool. she goes to latrobe uni. uni sounds cool. they said they should sneak me alcohole but then my stepdad caught my other cousin giving me a drink of his beer and he flipped. so i couldnt do that anymore.

i cant wait til i turn 18 and can do shit with my friends on new years. mum said that if i want next year i can go to a friends party. i think she was feeling bad because i had to talk to the adults most of the night since my older cousins all dissappeared off somewere to smoke pot i think and my little brother was plying with our little cousins so i had noone. and all the adults were asking if i had a girlfrienda nd i said no and oneof my uncles said 'i hope your not a poof, ill take you to the massage parlors that'll set you straght!' he kind of scares me a little bit. he drives trucks interstate and lives in the country.